Lost My Marbles in Elgin
A quiet weekend away in the high lands with both boys, my wife & my future daughter-in – law. Big thanks for the happy highlanders putting up with such a huge invasion of southern softies.
We did the usual touring route from Aviemore, Granton, Forres, Findhorn, but my life fell apart as we crawled towards Elgin. The power disappeared from my car.
I phoned the breakdown service & it cost me an arm & a leg for blue overall man to sniff the engine & tell me my clutch was goosed. My solutions to my problem were scary, spiralling costs. Nothing would happen until Monday at the earliest. It was Saturday afternoon, so we bit the bullet, fortunately my future daughter-in – law, had her car so all us fatties piled into her economically- spaced vehicle.
We pushed on towards Spey bay regardless.
My younger son wished to visit all 10 million distilleries in Morayshire so we had a circular route through the county. On the Sunday afternoon it was so weird being deserted by my family as they headed back to bankieland & I was left to try & sort out the car situation. I was left in the company of a mad dog, an aged cat, a family of red squirrels, a family of starving ducks & ducklings, a fieldmouse, 2 woodpeckers & assorted finches & tits.
There was plenty of surreal news on the tv about suicidal doctors & all the trappings that comes with such an event, e.g. panels of experts in terrorism, explosives, psychology, islam etc…Weegies desperate for their cheap, Spanish booze & fags remarked on the fate of the burning man ‘Let him burn’. Meanwhile neds in both old firm tops pranced behind serious reporters as per usual.
Eventually late on Tuesday the car was ready & my friend from Aviemore paid for the repair on his card & then took me up to a garage, that was supposed to be on a road parallel to the main road, naw it wisnae! I had to look out for an old Castrol Oil sign & the car keys would be underneath. It was like one of those old Cold War spy thrillers.
The long journey south was equally surreal as the light started to fade & as I approach the Hermitage I saw a hovering haar, that I had to enter with my hand gripping the steering wheel and my nose pressed to the windscreen. I had to stop as I had forgotten to eat or drink for ages. Fortunately me compadre had supplied me with the aged cat’s dinner of smoked salmon in sandwiches & I had a boot full of soft drinks.
I guess I was a little more edgy because the car battery had been disconnected & I only had my own zany thoughts for company.
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